I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
