"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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