My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
