so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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