There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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