I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
