y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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