...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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