The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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