Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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