i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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