He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
