...so i touched it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
