Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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