this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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