He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
