Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
