Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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