He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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