i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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