his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
