I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
