never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
