i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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