Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
