I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
