Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
