I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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