I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
