It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
