What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
