I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Who died my cat blue again?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
