I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
