She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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