Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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