First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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