Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
