Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize