69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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