I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
