I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize