Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
