I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
