but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
