sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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