Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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