the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
