you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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