We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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