What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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