she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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