tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
