i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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