You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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