Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
