one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
