my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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