I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize