Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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