NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
