Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
