here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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