garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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